Grief is a universal emotion and life experience. It is not linear or clean. It does not follow our timelines, and it is a personal experience for everyone. Grief is also unique from person to person. Everyone grieves differently- at their own pace and with their own life patterns. The timelines that are processed by one may not resemble the timelines of another.
In 1969, Dr. Elizabeth Kubler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist, published a heralded book about grief, “On Death and Dying.” For years, she had worked with terminally ill patients and found a commonality in how they processed and worked through grief.
Other providers have theorized about the stages of grief, and they have added additional stages. However, Dr. Kubler-Ross’ theory is one of the most studied and widely accepted grief theories.
According to Dr. Kubler-Ross, the Five Stages of Grief are:
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Heart attack concept
I recently visited with my friend of nearly 30 years about an unexpected cancer diagnosis in her mid 40’s. After learning of genetic predisposition for ovarian and breast cancer, she had a hysterectomy and learned that she had ovarian cancer. She wrote a Guest Blog for us if you would like to read more details about her story. It is titled, “Faith over Fear: Diane’s Cancer Survival Story.”
See below for how Diane processed the Grief of a cancer diagnosis and her Top 3 recommendations:
Our lovely friend Dr. K recently asked me to write a follow up to my last guest post asking what my top 3 recommendations are for when one is diagnosed with cancer.
I was surprised that they aren’t as difficult to think of as I first thought they would be.
Number 1:
The first is to lean heavily on Jesus Christ. Tell Him that you surrender to Him and His will and tell Him to take care of everything. Get out of His way, and He will take care of it. Some people may not like this, but I don’t know how long my life will be. I don’t have time to convince anyone.
Number 2:
The second thing is to stay off the Internet- even the cancer forums. Do not look at statistics. Everyone is different and your story is not like others’. A lot of people have very sad stories and reading their stories will only depress you and that is not what you need.
Number 3:
The last thing is to enjoy something daily to distract yourself. Like a hobby. Almost right away after my diagnosis I picked up gardening. It gave me something that I could celebrate daily. Finding a hobby like gardening is a kind of medicine I highly recommend. So, there we are!
“Without doing these three things I would not have handled my cancer diagnosis well. God bless you all and remember to cling tightly to Jesus our Savior.”
Diane-
Thank you so much, Diane for your wisdom! You are an inspiration!!
For all who have asked about Diane’s recent double mastectomy, she is doing well and recovering nicely.
I would like to close that we all process Grief differently and remind you not to compare yourselves to others. Grief is not linear and tidy. It is sometimes messy and haphazard.
Remember to take comfort:
“The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
Psalms 34:18
“Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good: his love endures forever. The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid.”
Psalms 118
